What A Day

Just when I think it's safe to leave the barn...

I go to a club to listen to some music early this morning. A guy IMs me to ask why I'm not dancing. I reply that I'm just people watching. He asks me if I've have spotted anyone interesting. I say, not really. (This would include him.) So he asks where I'm located RL. Nunya, USA. Nunyagoddamnbusiness, USA to be exact. I say, "Is that an RL question?" He laughs and says it's an SL question. Okay, well then...I live on a log. This answer doesn't suit him so he asks about my RL again and I say thats a no go. The convo ends there.

Tip Number 1: If we just met, where the bitch behind the screen is located is none of your concern. We aren't magically going to have something in common because we might be in the same region and we sure as hell ain't never going to meet. What's the point?

I'm still at the same club. A guy in acid washed jeans and a bad lopsided ponytail (the 80's called, thank you very much. Mind as well rock the scrunchy and just throw it all over the edge of ugly.) He walks right up to me, literally...my radar said he was 1m away, and says "So Shasta, would you like to dance?" After holding back the puke I have just formulated in my mouth due to the hideous sight before me, I reply, "No thank you, I'm just people watching." He turns around, walks to the other side of the club and stands there. Needless to say, the convo ended there. 

Tip Number 2: Do not pass the threshold that is my bubble without a notarized letter of approval. Do not wear acid washed jeans. Do not rock the ponytail. And by the way, feel free to wear shoes that don't look like they were painted on your feet. Thats just wrong.

So I'm chillaxing at my house now because the club obviously didn't pan out. Then I get a friendship offer out of the blue. And a very random IM follows.  (Name change to protect the moron. I'm not THAT cruel.)



[5:12]  Shasta Chambers: Have we met?
[5:13]  I'mCreepy Capelo: not yet
[5:13]  I'mCreepy Capelo: would love to
[5:13]  Shasta Chambers: I think you might have me confused with someone else
[5:14]  I'mCreepy Capelo: nope not confused
[5:14]  I'mCreepy Capelo: saw you in a group
[5:14]  I'mCreepy Capelo: and you looked like someone i would love to knw better
[5:14]  Shasta Chambers: why is that?
[5:14]  I'mCreepy Capelo: wat?
[5:15]  Shasta Chambers: what about me makes you think Im someone you would  love to know better?
[5:15]  I'mCreepy Capelo: dont knw
[5:15]  I'mCreepy Capelo: i couldnt stop myself from IM you 
[5:16]  Shasta Chambers: Well, Im sure you will find other people you will love to know. Good luck.
[5:16]  I'mCreepy Capelo: ok


The brilliant specimen that he is...he offers friendship again after I have already declined. 


[5:16]  Shasta Chambers: ...did you miss what I just said?

Tip Number 3: Do not randomly search a group listing and offer everyone on the list friendship. That's just sad. You should slice your wrists now. Vertically. Having groups in your profile such as "Beat me Rape Me," "Free Sexrooms," "Dark Heaven Sex Island," "Dirty Sex Yard Escort City Free Sex," "Dom Beasts for Submissive Females," and an otherwise blank profile DOES NOT attract friends. Well, no...I know a lot of skanky hoes. Maybe it would. Just not me. And frankly, the most disgusting one out of them was totally the "Dom Beasts for Submissive Females." We would never get along. Trust me. You are dismissed. 

So I'm finally past the creepdom for the day. I've gotten the ickies multiple times and I'm thinking...Okay Shassy, the sun is going down, the creeps must be asleep now. I head over to a club, which is on a Mature Sim. Would I hang out anywhere that I couldn't scream out "Cumdumpster Saggy Twat Cooter Lips," if I wanted to? Yeah, that's a big hell to the no. 


I'm all Zen and shit when this chick and her midget baby talking offspring decides to pay a visit. And there goes my happy juice. 



So, the "Mom" starts scoping out the place.


[19:19]  Anti Milf: it seems like a nice family enviroment
[19:20]  ResultOf CondomBreaking: but its not
[19:20]  ResultOf CondomBreaking: hehehe
[19:20]  AlreadyHasAPronoun AsAName: wb shasta
[19:20]  ResultOf CondomBreaking: they just let me come last night cause im special (No, it's because we all know thats not baby acne on your face but the Herpes your mother passed on from her "Party Days." We pity you.)


This is followed by some major gesturbating which makes me want to lynch myself. 


[19:25]  Anti Milf: no adult stuff right
[19:25]  AlreadyHasAPronoun AsAName: yes
[19:25]  ResultOf CondomBreaking: so cool!
[19:25]  AlreadyHasAPronoun AsAName: lots of it
[19:25]  SuperCool DJChick: oh no nothing like that but a lot of cursing
[19:25]  ResultOf CondomBreaking: i could rack up
[19:25]  SuperCool DJChick: oh wait yeah there is some adult items
[19:25]  Anti Milf: so there are adults that come in and do bad stuff? (Are you Mister Fucking Rogers?)
[19:26]  SuperCool DJChick: not bad just being silly in a umm perverse way
[19:26]  AlreadyHasAPronoun AsAName: no actual nakedness (Says the guy who rocks the mangina g-string/thong, cock hammock thingy that left me scarred for days...)
[19:26]  AlreadyHasAPronoun AsANamep: ar sexual things
[19:26]  Anti Milf: I hope not
[19:26]  ResultOf CondomBreakingt: mommy it wasnt
[19:26]  Anti Milf: thats good to knbow
[19:26]  SuperCool DJChick: definitely nc-17
[19:26]  AlreadyHasAPronoun AsAName: yes
[19:26]  Anti Milf: Ill have to blow the away if they mess with my baby girl (You mean blow the staff...have you left yet? I think one of your sores just popped.)
[19:26]  ResultOf CondomBreaking: omg
[19:26]  Anti Milf giggles
[19:27]  Anti Milf: I will too
[19:27]  ResultOf CondomBreaking: ive got a gun (Well...I've got a twat, you think you're better than me now? Fucker)
[19:27]  Anti Milf: U knoiw it

Tip Number 4: Do not come to a Mature Sim and scope it out like it's suppose to somehow accommodate the 32 year old woman who needs to play as a little girl on my time. There are special places for your weird kind of funkiness. Go there. Yes, SL is for everyones creative moments. But playing an annoying brat who assumes everyone will think that shit is cute is highly fucking annoying. No, I will not cover up for you. No, I will not watch my mouth. Fuck fuck fuck, take it in the ass, slap it, smack it, break it, bang bang bang, omfg harder, pussy, dick, yummy cock in the mouth. Ahhhh, now I feel better. 

And lastly...I should have expected this one.


[19:28]  AlreadyHasAPronoun AsAName: i swear
[19:28]  AlreadyHasAPronoun AsAName: i get dressed up as a kid one time
[19:28]  SuperCool DJChick: hahaha
[19:28]  AlreadyHasAPronoun AsAName: to go to disney world
[19:28]  AlreadyHasAPronoun AsAName: cuase i thought it would be fun
[19:29]  AlreadyHasAPronoun AsAName: and i never hear the end of it lol

Tip Number 5: Thats just weird. I can do bad, evil, naughty, even fucked up. Weird...I do not get. 

P.S. Rocking the pink ball can be hella sexy. Don't be scared to admit you're curious. It's as pointless as saying you wouldn't let Dave Navorro bend you over while you bite a pillow. Lies.