When the fuck did the ugly stick start making such heavy rounds? Through some deep research, I am inclined to say that even the once widely attractive specimens known as men in SL have been taken over. They have fallen into the expected, the typical, the boring and unfortunate.
I look from couple to couple and wonder:
"Why is she with him?"But I've had this moment before. It starts with Fred Flinstone. No, I'm not kidding. He was a moron, an ugly moron at that. The Trump comb-over started with Fred. And yet that fiery red head, Wilma, let him hit it. You see, Beauty and The Beast existed long before Disney got their hands on it. And sadly, it's continued. Marge and Homer Simpson...I'm not saying Marge is a fox but with a good relaxer, she could pass for a one night stand. Homer on the other hand...I've seen pubes grow fuller than his sad lack of upper growth. And the mental capacity...non-existent! Doug and Carrie from The King Of Queens...okay, he's funny. But seriously? He bagged her? Chloroform anyone? He's got a lifetime supply. Even my chocolate people have suffered from the sickness. The Huxtables. Are you telling me old Mr. J.E.L.L.O. pudding face nabbed Claire? Oh, hell to the no. Thats about as believable as Screech getting with Kelly. EXACTLY!
Now you know who had it right? Melrose Place. (Old school, not this 2009 Ashley Simpson shit. Posers) The uglies fucked the uglies (Billy and Allison) and the hotties fucked the hotties (Jake + Joe + Amanda + Kimberly + Sidney...you see where I'm going with this?) Roseanne and Uncle Jessie (Full House, Bitches) did not fuck, you wanna know why? Because no one would believe it possible for his dick to find her snatch. We can cure Measles and fight The Swine Flu but there is no finding that crotch. Lost cause people, I'm sorry for those that were hopeful. Really...I'm sorry for you. If it so unbelievable that a grotesque, funny but still fugly woman could not nab the hottie, why the hell is it so believable the "funny ogre" gets the gorgeous dame?
And then I look around. And I'm scared. Man boobs here, stupid "funny" comments there, bad clothes here, disgusting hair there. That shirt looks like it was painted on you assclown and where the fuck are the cuffs to your jeans? Really? They just blend into your ankle all fucking Looney Toons like?
"But Shasta, how superficial could you be?"If you just had that thought, here's some advice: Shut The Fuck Up. First impressions are everything. And no, I cannot tell how kind hearted you are because I wouldn't get close to your too tall, too bulky physique. Yes, you feed the homeless and you wanna save the Sea Lions...but can I fuck the thought of you saving the sea lions? Can I get past the 3m nipples you so indiscreetly want to display in the middle of a fucking club to think about your donations to Save the Children? NO, NO I CANNOT!
Yes, personality is huge! Its gigantic. It's an extreme factor that has to be taken into consideration to get even remotely close. Funny? Fabulous. Intelligent? Outstanding! Opinionated? Delicious. Passionate? Bravo! Romantic? Fan-fucking-tastic! A true gentleman in public and a dirty kinky bad boy in bed? Holla at ya girl! Ugly as sin? Get the fuck outta here.
This is not some bad TV show. You want your girl to look fly, put some work into it. Now, don't get me wrong. There are some yummy motherfuckers out there. Whatever your flavor; dorkalicious, pretty boys, bad boys, suavecitos, fluffy gents, etc etc etc, they exist. The problem is all of the "what's good for the goose," twatblockers who don't think they should clean it up and impress a bitch and they just so happen to be standing in the way of some tasty treats.
So, if you know a Homer, a Fred, any of those sorry examples of guys who "got lucky," send them the memo. It's a new dawn and the ladies are waking up. We want all the gushy mushy naughty goodness in one fuckable package. Get started or get out of the way.
FTN! to the boys who want the fly girls but look like something a fly would land on.
No comments:
Post a Comment