Monday, June 28, 2010

The Jury Is Still Out...

This weeks observations, accusations and retaliations...as follows
  • Going three days without sleep.
  • Going three days without sleep and not one fucking offer to help...asshole.
  • Daily emails on God...I.DON'T.CARE.
  • People who want to make amends for themselves versus for the peace of those they hurt.
  • If you were never a mother, you CANNOT be a grandmother. Bottom line. 
  • Sharing the big secret that you were a prostitute. I KNEW THAT ALREADY! Hoebag!
  • Blaming the boys for everything. (I was guilty of this one, for sure.) At the end of the day ladies, we make our own choices. 
  • Claiming three fatal conditions in a two year span...why aren't you dead yet then? 
  • Calling to ask for money...um...NO!
  • Parents taking their kids to the beaches, swimming in oil. 
  • Expectations of intimacy...GO AWAY!
  • SL glitches...yeah thanks for making me look like a fucking asshole, fucktard.
  •  A friend of 19 years killing it with just a couple of words.
  • Anyone who asks for naked photos.
  • The cockiness that spews from your mouth. Last I checked, your dick was not a blessing. Lets remember who's contacting who for action. HAH! Lame-ass.
  • Stop asking me how to spell. Get a fucking dictionary for fucks sake.
  • Meter guys that stand in front of two howling dogs, waiting for me to do something at 7am.
  • Dogs that bite the meter guy and get my ass in trouble at 7:05 in the morning.
  • Babies that have major cases of explosive ass...I love you but GOD DAMN!
  • "The loneliest I've ever felt was being in a relationship that wasn't working." Thats a great quote and one I am going to give to anyone who is super scared to be alone. Don't focus so much on being with someone. Focus on accepting your solitude. The loneliness you feel right now could be MUCH worse. Trust me. 
And we find the defendant...

FTN!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Not Going To Australia

This is an actual Email I got today:

"How we need a leader like this



This guy is Great!!

 
Australian Prime Minister does it again!! 
Truer words have never been spoken.
It took a lot of courage for this man to speak what he had to say for the world 
to hear.  The retribution could be phenomenal, but at least he was willing to 
take a stand on his and Australia 's beliefs. 

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd - Australia 

Muslims who want to live under 
Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to 

get out of Australia, as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off 
potential terror attacks..

Separately, 
Rudd angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying 
he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. Quote: 

'IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT.. Take It Or Leave It. 
I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual 
or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali , we have experienced a surge in 
patriotism by the majority of Australians. '

'This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and 

victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom'

'We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, 

Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society.
Learn the language!'

'Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political 

push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, 
founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to 
display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you 
consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our 
culture.' 

'We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you 

accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.'

'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you 

every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, 
and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life
I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, 
'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'.' 

'If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. 

You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.' 

Maybe if we circulate this amongst ourselves in Canada & USA , 

WE will find the courage to start speaking and voicing the same truths.   

If you agree please SEND THIS ON
 and ON, to as many people as you know  "

This is why I do not live in Australia.
People who send emails that support their agendas to me will find that my email is going to change 
very fucking quickly because for the millionth fucking time, I do not care how much you want this 
fucking country to be a unified Christian nation for Christian people. 
People who do not realize that if everyone "went back to where they came from," a very select few 
people would actually be able to remain in their hometown, their city, their state/province and/or 
their country.
On the note of going back to where you came from, whether you believe in God or Evolution, that 
would not be your hometown, city, state and/or nation. You came from nothing. Some guy put you 
here or you came from dirt. I.E Hurry up and fucking die already. 
I love how people admire other countries when they say something that fits their own ideologies 
but criticize other nations when they differ from their own. 
You speak mainly English. You should be proud. How about you visit a country where the fifth graders
are speaking three or four different languages. That's why their people are making progress. 
And yet, here we are. The person who sent this to me is German. Very proud of her German heritage.
So, she should go back to Germany, and speak German. I mean, if you're going to give kudos to 
something, you should follow through, don't you think? Knowing multiple languages shouldn't be a 
burden, it should be acquired knowledge. Feel free to stay stupid. Pendejo! 
Do I know much about Australia? No, I don't. That's not what bothers me. A person finding some 
quote that fits their personal thoughts from someone on the other side of the earth, sending this 
shit out like it's suppose to prove a point bugs the ever living piss out of me. Yay, you found someone 
else that totally agrees with you. So, here's an idea. Move to Australia. Problem solved. You and 
the Prime Minister can live in a happy loving Christian English speaking nation. Enjoy that close 
minded way of thinking and that thing you call "culture." I didn't know being proud of your own 
culture meant setting ultimatums upon others. Does this mean I can ask for spies to watch the 
Churches. Wouldn't that open a few eyes.


Here's a moment of truth for you: this isn't about patriotism. Hell, we screamed patriotism after 9/11. 
And now, it means shit. Back to hating anyone and everyone. Unity died once no one was looking
anymore. Not every Muslim is a fucking terrorist. We've had many terrorists who weren't Muslim 
chilling in our oval office, sitting in congress, racially profiling, fighting to suppress the rights of 
the people who live in "the land of the free." Freedom to leave, Rudd says...nothing...NOTHING is free.

Sending me stupid fucking emails...I get the hint...I'm still not giving in. FTN! YOU ASSHOLE

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Daddy Day

For the ones who stay when they don't have to.
When they don't want to.
For the ones who come home every night.
For the men who hold no blood but love nonetheless.
For teaching lessons.
For being the first man your daughter will love.
For being the man your son would want to be. 
For devotion. 
Protection.
Integrity.
For saying I love you every day.
For tucking your baby into bed.
For creating fond memories.
For preventing another statistic. 

For our fathers.

For being both. 
For handling it alone. 
For endless love.
For loyalty.
For every sweet word spoken.
For keeping the pieces together. 
For being the conveyor of light. 

For our single parents. 

For giving hope. 
For staying true.
For knowing it takes a village.
For a simple smile.
For asking the tough questions.
For teaching the hardest lessons.
For forgiveness.
For individuality.
For trust.

For the men who lead by example. 

For the good ones. The ones lost. The ones who tried. Happy Fathers Day. Your influence is greater than you will ever truly know. Step fathers, single mothers, adoptive fathers, single dads, for being the best parent you can be to the next generation. Thank you. 

Saturday, June 12, 2010

I'm Making Demands

"Dear Jesus Nunez...


It has come to my attention that one of your minions has used my business as a way to get another star on their "good deeds" card. Now I know I've cursed you out a number of times and I've told people you are a made up dude BUT if this letter actually reaches you, I would like you to take a moment to consider my proposition. Here it goes:


I will be on my best, and I mean best behavior if you do the following for me:

  • Turn nasty bitches, who use other peoples turmoil as their dinner conversation, into lepers.
  • Give a permanent yeast infection to fake people who use someone else's crisis to get back in the door. 
  • Drown all of the head honchos at BPS in massive quantities of oil. Feel free to set up a pay-per-view program so I can watch. I will totally pay. 
  • Pussy punch prissy uptight women who question me as if I must be lost when I walk into a store, as if I do not belong there...I'm still trying to figure out exactly which hateful reason they were so uncomfortable by my presence. 
  • Send a memo covered in Anthrax to your little disciples who claim "this is gift from God." I very much doubt you made someone die so that bitch could pay off her fucking water tank. Yeah, gift from God, my ass.
  • Eliminate "Yeah, I'll think about it," from the English language. If you do not, I cannot guarantee that I'm not going to seriously hurt someone. 
If you do these things for me...I will seriously behave myself for like...a week. Now I know that doesn't sound like much of a fair trade but trust me, it is. I can promise you that I will say only nice things to people. And I'll be super fucking smiley. And I'll even try to limit my vulgarity to like...a 7 on the cursing scale. If you do not wish to oblige with my demands...well...fuck you. Okay...I said I would I try. 

I feel that my requests are reasonable. And if for some reason you want to be a tight ass about the whole leper thing, you are more than welcome to give them permanent diarrhea. Like 24/7. I would totally settle for that. But thats my only exception. 

People say you walk on water and you can turn water into wine (if you were really cool it would have been rum, but I'm not nitpicking here) so I would like to see you do something bigger. Those are pretty fucking basic tricks. I mean, they do that shit in grade school these days. If you can make people have liquid ass, yeah, I might just consider thinking you are semi real. Think about it. 

Yours Truly,
Ms. Shassy

Thursday, June 10, 2010

His-Story

Personally, I have never believed in Homeschooling. School is not only a time for education but interaction for our youth. Despite feeling very passionate about that, I've recently changed my mind. With the Lone Star state  showing such a high influence on the rewriting of textbooks, it seems almost inevitable that revisions, such as the ones currently underway, will soon penetrate the minds of students everywhere.

Every ten years, the school board sets forth new amendments for the rewriting of textbooks, in an attempt to keep the educational system accurate. Or so you would think. Instead, the radicals on The Board of Education want to rewrite history itself.

Opening with a prayer, one of the board members calls for "a Christian land governed by Christian Principles." At the end of the day, it's a political and religious agenda. Don McLeroy, one of the most controversial boards members (who was thankfully voted out of office after this term) hopes that these revisions will show that the principles on which the American nation were founded are solely Christian principles.

Here are just a few amendments that our children have the privilege of learning over the course of ten years:

  • The renaming of The Slave Trade to The Atlantic Triangular Trade
  • The inclusion of the importance of Country Music in our nation (Hip Hops influence on cultural movement was turned down.)
  • Attempts to remove Thurgood Marshal (The first black Supreme Court Justice) and Cesar Chavez (labor organizer and Hispanic activist) were denied but the author Bill Martin Junior (Brown Bear Brown Bear What Do You See) was removed (having been mistaken for another Bill Martin who had written a critical book on capitalism.)
  • The watering down of The Civil Rights Movement and The Womens Movement. McLeroy is quoted in an interview as saying; "equal rights: womens right to vote, the women didn't vote on it, the men did, the man passed it for the women, eventually the civil rights act, it took the majority vote, in other words, the minorities were not able to do it for themselves, it took the majority to do it for the minorities."
  • "Capitalism" changed to "Free Enterprise," though "US Expansionism" was not changed to "Imperialism." In the 19th century, Hawaii was taken over by America before becoming a state. Under the conditions this would be considered Imperialism, not Expansionism. 
  • The Moral Majority, The NRA and The Contract with America will be included with no progressive counterbalance. 
  • Thomas Jefferson's influence on 18th and 19th century revolutions be downplayed due to the "misconception" that Jefferson ever believed in "the separation of Church and State."
  • Senator John McCartys blacklisting of several Americans in the 1950's, many of them African Americans, will be noted as justified despite evidence to say otherwise. 
  • The study of the violent philosophy of The Black Panthers must be included alongside that of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 
  • Credit to be given to Republicans for votes into Congress on Civil Rights Legislations.
  • Sections stressing the internment of Germans, Italians and the Japanese to negate allegations that the Japanese were solely interned during WWII due to racism.
  • Sociology teachings will include "the importance of personal responsibility for the life choices in a section on teenage suicide, dating violence, sexuality, drug use, and eating disorders."
  • The board refused to require that students be taught that "the US Constitution prevents the government from promoting one religion over all others."
  • Barbara Cargill stated her concern over the discussion of sex and gender in sociology courses, saying she was "worried these discussions would lead students into a world of transvestites, transsexuals and who knows what else."
  • A 10-5 voted rejected the proposition that Tejanos be acknowledged as fallen heroes of the Alamo.
  • The world was created 10,000 years ago and Creationism must be expressed highly alongside any discussions of the beginning of existence. 

With The Board of Education of Texas sitting at 10(R) - 5(D) it is no wonder so many right winged ideologies have been imposed into this revision. McLeroy calls the confusion between Bill Martin Junior and Bill Martin "embarrassing," stating "someone didn't get their facts straight." Sounds like that covered the entire revision, doesn't it? McLeroy caused further uproar when he blatantly said, "it was the men that gave the women the right to vote." Awww, why thank you, kind Sir. Feel free to ignore all of the female activists that spent their lives attempting to get equal rights for women. Carrie Chapman Catt, Susan B. Anthony, Belle Sherwin, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Margaret Skapes.

Is everything in our current textbooks 100% accurate? Of course not. Hell, I grew up thinking Pluto was a planet. Sorry Pluto, you are too small! My problem here is not the analysis of our history, the questioning of what is accurate or not. My problem is the sole fact that our history lays in the hands of people like McLeroy. A White Republican Christian Male with a strong political and religious agenda. He's a fucking dentist for Christ's sake. He's not a historian. This is not an attempt at historical accuracy, this is hate.

I love and hate people equally. But I refuse to send my son, when the times comes, into the arms of an educational system that will attempt to teach him that his Hispanic heritage means nothing in this country, that women mean less in this country and that this country was made solely for Christians. Did our ancestors not flee to this country to avoid religious persecution? And yet, we have turned into the evil dragon we ourselves condemn.

It is easier to paint a picture than it is to take one. That is my absolute favorite saying. And it is the absolute truth in this case. America does not have a positive history. We are responsible for so many misfortunes of this world. We have persecuted people on our own soil. We have invaded other countries and killed innocents in the name of God. For every advancement we have made, we have taken a million steps back. But it is apart of our makeup. It is the truth of our existence. To deny what we have done is to deny who we are.

If the infection that is this new history spreads, it is inevitable that this country will fall to its ruins. If it stays in the confines of Texas, the battle only begins. A state of soldiers will be made, carrying unfortunate views of the truth. Skewed and fogged by ideologies from a board of unqualified imbeciles.

History. History. His Story. Those books will not contain my story. My sons story. The truth of the world we live in. It is a sad day. It is a tragic day. Now, I wonder if this dictatorship is what their God had in mind. I almost pity the Christian nation. For those that truly believe out of faith. Oh, how you are so poorly represented.

My son will not see himself in those textbooks. He will not know the good and evil this country has created. But I will be his mirror. I will, to the best of my ability, show him the truth. One step at a time. Guess this means I'll be going back to college. If the world wishes to fall to the hands of one way of thinking, I'll teach him diversity on my own.

FTN! to one mind of one monster under one God. Everything IS bigger in Texas. Including the hatred and ignorance.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

A Pink Dot

My eyes are blurry as I stare at the map. I zoom out and lose sight of my cities name. It is covered by pink dots. I zoom in so I can find my street. There is a pink dot two blocks from my home. There is a red dot 4 blocks from my home. There are two red dots just across the street from the gas station I go to every day. Apparently, red dots can be roomies. 

Those two red dots just a couple of minutes from my house are convicted rapists. That red dot 4 blocks from my house is convicted of sexual battery to a party and/or animal unable to consent. 

But the one that scares me the most is the pink dot. Just two blocks from my home. On the hill I take when the snow gets too deep, when the roads are too slick. I have never hated the color pink so much. 

He is an average looking man. Born in 1965. All of his pictures show vacant eyes. Like he's empty. I don't know but I wonder if he's ever been close. Do we shop at the same stores? Have I bumped into him at the gas station? How close is too close? Two blocks is too close. 

That pink dot haunts me. I didn't know he was a pink dot. Not that the red ones are okay. But I know I would fight back. Not that it would help. But I would. Kicking and screaming. They could get me but I'd sure as fuck leave some injuries going out. But that pink dot sends a chill over me. Sends disgust through my veins and I can taste the stomach acid in the back of my throat. 

He doesn't have an alias. No distinctive markings on his body. He is an average man. An average man. An average man. Could have been a School Teacher. A Dentist. A Salesman. He could have been a family man. A husband. A father. A pet owner. But he is not. He is a pink dot. 

And I wonder where his victim is. He was convicted in 1996, I think. That would make his victim 14 now. And the kid probably doesn't have any idea. But the scar is there. How would an infant know? But maybe they do. And all I can think about is that pink fucking dot. 

A baby is beautiful. A baby is pure. A baby is cooed at and snuggled and held gently. A baby is not for a demented minds sexual arousal. A baby is not for someones sexual taking. And my mind goes blank because I can't even process the thought. I don't want to imagine how. I don't want to know why. There are just questions that cannot be answered. 

I do not regret knowing that pink dot exists. I do not regret feeling sick by the thought that he is so fucking close. I've said it before and I'll say it again...ignorance is not bliss. It is the demise of our world. It is the corruption of our children. It is the stealing of innocence. 

We cannot eradicate all of the evil from the world. We cannot take justice into our own hands, though we may be so tempted. We cannot guarantee that wherever we go, danger does not sit close by, awaiting...but we can educate ourselves. We can put ourselves on the line for the ones we love. We can face things we would rather avoid so the ones that depend on us never have to. 

The National Sex Offender Registry is a preventative measure. One used to enlighten and protect. It is not used or intended for ammunition or witch hunts. Use it wisely but please, use it. In a perfect world, the map would be clean of all the colors of the rainbow. But this is not a perfect world. Stay conscious and aware and most importantly...listen. I hope, with all of my being, that this will help in some way to make at least one person more aware. So our children are not victims to those colored dots. 

FTN! to the dangers we cannot see and to the ones we could but ignore. It only takes one person to save a neighborhood child. "No kids, not that house." I would do it for a child I did not know and I hope someone would do it for my son. 

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Avoid The Trend

Your prejudice is like a bad trend, acid washed jeans or scrunchies, yet you wear it with pride. I hope you look back one day and realize just how stupid you appear. Though acid washed jeans never hurt anyone...
A guy puts up a picture of himself and his friend. In the picture, the two guys are passing a flower pen to each other via mouth. The guy loses friends over this picture.

True story.

I don't know what's worse: the people who try to push him to "come out," because he's a Theater boy so he must obviously be gay or the people who walk away from him because of a picture of two friends goofing around. If he were gay, would that make this picture any less controversial for the people who saw it? What bothers them? Two guys playing around or the assumption that he must be gay and seeing a picture presses the thought further into their minds?

Honestly, who gives a shit? Have we not evolved enough to get the fuck over non-issues? Thirty years ago, and in some places even now, the problem with the picture would have been that one guy was black and one guy was white. But everyone knows thats so outdated. It's all about the new trends. Got to keep up.

Sadly, a high majority of the people I know have faced their share of prejudice. Explaining oneself and attempting to kill the stereotypes. Yes, I'm Hispanic. No, I'm not Mexican. Yes, I was born in this country. No, I'm not illegal. Yes, I have a job. No, I don't have an apartment with seven relatives and all of my kids waiting for my welfare check. And that's just on a visit to the grocery store. But even facing that on a regular basis, I still feel pretty fucking lucky.

I can't fathom the thought for one second of having people question me on who I love or how I fuck. No one will ever associate my love for Theater with my enjoyment of giving head let alone the color of my skin. I will never have to sit the people I love down and say..."hey...I'm Puerto Rican. Please continue to love me. No, it wasn't a choice. I was born this way. No, it's not a defect and no, nothing happened in my childhood to "change" me from White to Spanish."

My RL friend has a battle to face. To decide how he's going to deal with the ignorance of others. But, and I will say this with great pride, he has yet to take down the picture. People have left him ugly emails and even stopped talking to him altogether and yet, he lets that picture stay up. He's not trying to make anyone feel uncomfortable. He's trying to show that there is nothing to feel uncomfortable about.

I don't care who he likes, as long as it is a consenting adult human being. Love is love. And the heart knows no color or gender. And it was a pen for crying out loud. It's not like it was the guys dick in his mouth...and if it was...suck on brotha!

FTN! to ignorance. No, it is not bliss. It is the demise of our world.

Monday, June 7, 2010

It's 4:40am, Do You Know Where Your Sanity Is?

It's always the little things that make me want to pull my hair out...
  • How the fuck can the gas station be out of the one fucking brand/type of smokes I want? YOU SELL CIGS! That's like not having gas, you assholes! "Well, we have regulars, that's almost the same thing." You are correct. They are almost 99's but not quite, hence why they come in a different package and are not called regulars. 99's have like 4 extra inhales. I happen to like those 4 extra inhales, thank you very much! I HATE YOUR FACE!!!!
  • Who orders Netflix to hold on to the same movie for a month? Who does that? If you do that, you're fucking stupid. The whole point is to watch it and send it back! It's not a deal if you are paying the fee to fucking hold on to the movie. But look on the bright side, if you wait til the end of this month, YOU COULD OWN IT! Oh wait, no. Cuz you are renting it, you fucking moron! SEND IT BACK!!!
  • People who light candles in their home. I know what you are doing. I see through this the minute I smell pineapple sage in the air. Where is Fluffy? Because I know you have a cat. Here's an equation for you. CAT = LITTERBOX I.E. CANDLES = YOU WERE TOO FUCKING LAZY TO CLEAN SAID LITTERBOX AND YOU THINK PINEAPPLE SAGE IS GOING TO FOOL ME! WRONG!
  • People who ask for money and then lie about it. Didn't think I would find out did you? Oh, but I did. It's so fucking funny how when someone dies, the hands come out of the woodworks, what can I get...hmmm what can I get? How about some dignity. And a job!
  • Hey asshole, dyke is not a noun or a verb or a fucking adjective. ITS JUST A SLUR! Don't suddenly act like you finished high school and try to educate me on the use of a word. The fact that you would use it and try to rationalize it makes you that much more of a piece of shit. 
  • "I'm only yelling at you because I have no one else to yell at." This is an actual quote. I don't even have to comment on it. 
  • Never ever ever ever AND I MEAN EVER comment on a womans weight in the middle of a non-existent conversation. Here's an example: *tv is playing some stupid shit no one with a brain cares about,* "so um...did you lose any more weight yet," where the hell did that come from <---thats me responding by the way, "didn't know if you lost it all yet." *back to paying attention to brainless television* NOPE! I never lost any of it, I just bought magical pants and a magical shirt to hide 36 pounds. Go to hell!
  • People who say, "ohhh, you're so lucky." The guy from above is going to hell and if you hurry up, you can catch him for a partner.
  • Breaking a nail at 2:07am. Because now I have to stare at it for the next 7 hours til my nail lady opens up her spot. I should leave a voice mail now saying I want the 9am appt. 
  • People who buy those lame kiddie pools when they don't have kids. Sitting your lawn chair in a kiddie pool in the front yard is not doing anything for your image. And there goes the beer and gut to top it all off. Fabulous. I just puked in my mouth. 
  • Feeling like a complete and utter moron for .5 seconds. 
  • Knowing that .5 seconds felt like a fucking lifetime. 
  • Watching a ship sink and not being able to do a damn thing about it. 
  • INFOMERCIALS! NO ONE CARES!
FTN and all that jazz

Sunday, June 6, 2010

...For The Bible Told Me So...

I woke up in a disarray, turned over and shook him. He rolled over and asked what was wrong. Everything, I thought, everything.

Believe it or not, at one time, I tried to understand the Church and its teachings. But I couldn't grasp it. I couldn't turn off my natural instinct to ask why and the pastor didn't like this. Lack of faith or something like that. I'd stopped listening by this time. But something that had penetrated me was what they said would happen.
In Heaven, none of your earthly bonds will matter. Family, friends, the love of your life...it will be nonexistent, pale in comparison to the love and devotion, the undying loyalty you will have to God. 
WHAT? No one will matter? Not one single person?
Why would they? You will be in the presence of God. No one compares to him. All of your love, your every waking minute will be in awe of him. You will find great joy in praising him. That will be the perfect paradise. 
And I'm going to be happy like that?
Everyone will. He is love. He is happiness.
THATS FUCKED! I looked at my fiancĂ©, the guy I was going to sign my life over to until the end of days...why are we doing this? He looked at me like I'd smacked him, like I was having cold feet. No, no, don't worry. I still want to. I really don't have a problem signing over my life to someone, it's never meant much anyways. HAH, did I actually say that out loud?

But what's the point? When we die, we won't even matter to each other. I'm going to be your homie in heaven. I'm not going to be your wife, your love, your anything. I'm gonna be another face you smile at like some zombie before we all run like fanatics to worship Senor Ego.

He rolled over after patting my knee and said, "I'm always going to love you," before falling back into an oblivious sleep. I don't think he ever woke up. I didn't sleep that night, shaking in a cold sweat, crying and trying to figure out what the hell everything was suppose to mean.

That's a true story.

And I'm still in that night chill, trying to figure out what the hell happens. What's the point? You sign a life that isn't ever really your own over to someone else, all for not. We live by a slew of rules, some self inflicted and some lent to us by the world surrounding. And to add a sweet icing to the cake, it's not going to matter for shit because we're all going to spend eternity worshiping some thing that kills unborn babies and steals innocence and reminds you that you just aren't ever going to be good enough.
You're always going to be less, you're never going to shed the sins placed upon you, even if you didn't commit them BUT don't worry kid. One day, you'll get to be hypnotized by my presence! Aren't you excited?
This from the same god who believes you forsake your own child if they aren't to a books standard. A BOOK. The number one best seller of all time. The greatest fable ever told. If you're beating your bible as you read this, go ahead and pray for me. If it makes you feel better. Whatever helps you to sleep at night.
Oh, and FUCK THAT NOISE! Amen.