"So when we gonna hook up, hmmmm"This is an example of "The Ultimate Random." One I had the pleasure of experiencing. Pleasure simply because I now can FTN! the act itself. Comments like these happen to everyone. But they tend to blindside you when its from a friend who has never ever shown any sign of having that type of thought, someone you actually haven't even spoken to in quite some time.
What other response could I have but laughter. Because it's funny. And thats what you do when someone says something funny. You laugh. Don't forget, I am also on day 2 of my bet to "be a good girl," which means there isn't going to be any hooking up. I.E this conversation is pointless either way. Since I'm playing this bet fair, I say so. Don't want to be rude but I can't exactly say what I want to say right now because it would break the rule even if it's not to encourage.
"Well, I bet we could break that bet easy"Really? How interesting. I'm getting a whiff of something and it's called ego. Not my favorite scent by any means. So I clarify my rules. Lets not kill a friendship over an awkward moment and my inability to carry this conversation.
"Come on over so we can bang!!!"It is amazing how quickly a "friendship" can become meaningless to me. It starts with you saying the above line. But, I bite my tongue and hold fast to patience. To remain clear headed and optimistic that this friendship isn't a total facade for the jackass moment that is being shared with me. That would break rule number 2, so that bang bang thought you had for a moment is a no go.
"See, but no one would know"I would. And that's enough of a reason for me. But I get to thinking, is this just a sabotage plot? A scheme to get me to fail in my task. WHO SENT YOU? WHO SENT YOU? I feel like an action hero in a bad Van Damme movie. So this little buddy makes it clear that it isn't about sabotage because of course he isn't like that. I mean, what the hell would give me that sort of impression, right? So I call it out for being random. He says something about having good intentions. Nothing that starts with "come over so we can bang" is of good intentions. Just an FYI. Now, this is my favorite part. I say I'm not easy and get the wonderful response of:
"I know, if I thought you were, I would have tried a long time ago"Because that says wonders for the skanks you have fucked. I will give the boy credit though. He is a persistent little bugger. "It would be fun though and you know it." Really now? You must have me confused with the easily amused.
Now I'm not a cruel bitch. So I give the warning that this will become an FTN! Apparently, I will never be forgiven if I do it. And yet here you are reading this post which tells you exactly how much I care. Be happy I didn't put a name. Only I have to think of this person as an asshole. Everyone else just gets to read and laugh at my experience. You see how that works?
"Hey, all I wanted was a little attention"Okay, because that just sealed the deal. I said hello to you. Bask in the glow of that for just a moment. Asking for anything else is just asinine. So, I keep getting called "dear." I'm not Bambi. Save it. So I ask about the drinking factor, because there is no way someone could be this random at this hour of the night without some liquid stupidity running through their veins. And guess what...I was right. Just a few (lots) of booze. So I say, "don't worry, I won't hold it against you tomorrow."
"Well, tomorrow are you saying I have a better chance?"One word, four letters. NOPE! And then I get the evil glare. -.- Okay, lets be serious here people! The conversation is unwarranted and out of a field far past left. So Mr. Drunkity-drunk goes with it, inviting me to see "a gun called eight-ball that can shoot eight loads." Now it's my turn for the evil glare. I say goodnight and he gives me:
"Sweetdreams dear. I'll see you in your dreams."With a smile. Is anyone else cracking the fuck up yet? Because I'm somewhere between hysterical with laughter and annoyed as fuck. Let me make this crystal clear. I can be feisty. Yes, I'm in a bet to see if I can be well behaved. But if you do recall, I've never flirted with you. I've never even blinked at you funny. I haven't given you the time of day ever and I never will. The reasons I wouldn't waste my fucking time or energy on engaging you in stimulating conversation, let alone touching your alcohol infused body are endless. And every time you open your mouth, you're just given me another.
With that being said, there is a word of caution in this tale. Just because you know someone doesn't mean you get the go ahead to randomly say you wanna hit it just because you are bored. Lonely? Get a fucking dog. But you will remember to give some fucking respect to those you wish to call "friends." Just because some other chicks might have been smitten with that little act doesn't mean we're all morons.
Crossing over into creepdom without the welcoming committee...FTN!
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