Self-Bound

The boundaries we live by are the ones we have created for ourselves...

The past couple of days have put a lot of things into perspective for me. Feel free to not ask whats brought on such thought as I will feel free to not share. Nonetheless, recent events have sent me on a spiral effect of thought. Sitting up at 2am, comforted only by the sounds of beeping machines, I found myself saying a big FTN to life, to people.

There are times when I have faith in the human species, when I believe the human condition is something far beyond an epidemic. And then there are times when I become disgusted, almost baffled by how people can find themselves in another persons pain, as if the world is somehow simulated to effect them, by any means necessary. As if we are all pawns to make these select few have good days and bad days. Frankly, I'd like to believe I'm not a pawn in another persons existence.

I would like to be proven wrong on my current belief that everyone is out for themselves. How do we end up in a place where we are calming another for something so trivial when we ourselves shed tears for our own agonies? And yet, how do we cry tears for ourselves when in the grand scheme of things, the battles we are facing are minuscule in comparison to another.

Up at 3am, my mind wanders from the people of the world and their sick need to lay absorbed within themselves...moving along...to the thought of how I could complain, sit back and lay behind boundaries that no one is responsible for but me. No one has laid the foundation for the gates of self oppression but myself. I have brought myself to this place. Rather then driving through this neck of the woods, I have parked, became a permanent resident of this place called "stuck."

And I start to go down the list of all of the things I want to do, all the silly little things I have dreamed of doing, of all of the things I have convinced myself were not important enough to follow through with. And the list grows. And I ask myself why I'm staring at this list and not crossing anything off?

Have I grown comfortable with the boundaries I have created? Is it easier to say something can be done tomorrow then to risk it and act now? And how many tomorrows will I waste away?

FTN! to self inflictions, to standing still, to be captivated by fear, to never crossing anything off of the list, to just being another minion caught up in the human affliction.