Avoid The Trend

Your prejudice is like a bad trend, acid washed jeans or scrunchies, yet you wear it with pride. I hope you look back one day and realize just how stupid you appear. Though acid washed jeans never hurt anyone...

A guy puts up a picture of himself and his friend. In the picture, the two guys are passing a flower pen to each other via mouth. The guy loses friends over this picture.

True story.

I don't know what's worse: the people who try to push him to "come out," because he's a Theater boy so he must obviously be gay or the people who walk away from him because of a picture of two friends goofing around. If he were gay, would that make this picture any less controversial for the people who saw it? What bothers them? Two guys playing around or the assumption that he must be gay and seeing a picture presses the thought further into their minds?

Honestly, who gives a shit? Have we not evolved enough to get the fuck over non-issues? Thirty years ago, and in some places even now, the problem with the picture would have been that one guy was black and one guy was white. But everyone knows thats so outdated. It's all about the new trends. Got to keep up.

Sadly, a high majority of the people I know have faced their share of prejudice. Explaining oneself and attempting to kill the stereotypes. Yes, I'm Hispanic. No, I'm not Mexican. Yes, I was born in this country. No, I'm not illegal. Yes, I have a job. No, I don't have an apartment with seven relatives and all of my kids waiting for my welfare check. And that's just on a visit to the grocery store. But even facing that on a regular basis, I still feel pretty fucking lucky.

I can't fathom the thought for one second of having people question me on who I love or how I fuck. No one will ever associate my love for Theater with my enjoyment of giving head let alone the color of my skin. I will never have to sit the people I love down and say..."hey...I'm Puerto Rican. Please continue to love me. No, it wasn't a choice. I was born this way. No, it's not a defect and no, nothing happened in my childhood to "change" me from White to Spanish."

My RL friend has a battle to face. To decide how he's going to deal with the ignorance of others. But, and I will say this with great pride, he has yet to take down the picture. People have left him ugly emails and even stopped talking to him altogether and yet, he lets that picture stay up. He's not trying to make anyone feel uncomfortable. He's trying to show that there is nothing to feel uncomfortable about.

I don't care who he likes, as long as it is a consenting adult human being. Love is love. And the heart knows no color or gender. And it was a pen for crying out loud. It's not like it was the guys dick in his mouth...and if it was...suck on brotha!

FTN! to ignorance. No, it is not bliss. It is the demise of our world.

It's 4:40am, Do You Know Where Your Sanity Is?

It's always the little things that make me want to pull my hair out...

• How the fuck can the gas station be out of the one fucking brand/type of smokes I want? YOU SELL CIGS! That's like not having gas, you assholes! "Well, we have regulars, that's almost the same thing." You are correct. They are almost 99's but not quite, hence why they come in a different package and are not called regulars. 99's have like 4 extra inhales. I happen to like those 4 extra inhales, thank you very much! I HATE YOUR FACE!!!!
• Who orders Netflix to hold on to the same movie for a month? Who does that? If you do that, you're fucking stupid. The whole point is to watch it and send it back! It's not a deal if you are paying the fee to fucking hold on to the movie. But look on the bright side, if you wait til the end of this month, YOU COULD OWN IT! Oh wait, no. Cuz you are renting it, you fucking moron! SEND IT BACK!!!
• People who light candles in their home. I know what you are doing. I see through this the minute I smell pineapple sage in the air. Where is Fluffy? Because I know you have a cat. Here's an equation for you. CAT = LITTERBOX I.E. CANDLES = YOU WERE TOO FUCKING LAZY TO CLEAN SAID LITTERBOX AND YOU THINK PINEAPPLE SAGE IS GOING TO FOOL ME! WRONG!
• People who ask for money and then lie about it. Didn't think I would find out did you? Oh, but I did. It's so fucking funny how when someone dies, the hands come out of the woodworks, what can I get...hmmm what can I get? How about some dignity. And a job!
• Hey asshole, dyke is not a noun or a verb or a fucking adjective. ITS JUST A SLUR! Don't suddenly act like you finished high school and try to educate me on the use of a word. The fact that you would use it and try to rationalize it makes you that much more of a piece of shit. 
• "I'm only yelling at you because I have no one else to yell at." This is an actual quote. I don't even have to comment on it. 
• Never ever ever ever AND I MEAN EVER comment on a womans weight in the middle of a non-existent conversation. Here's an example: *tv is playing some stupid shit no one with a brain cares about,* "so um...did you lose any more weight yet," where the hell did that come from <---thats me responding by the way, "didn't know if you lost it all yet." *back to paying attention to brainless television* NOPE! I never lost any of it, I just bought magical pants and a magical shirt to hide 36 pounds. Go to hell!
• People who say, "ohhh, you're so lucky." The guy from above is going to hell and if you hurry up, you can catch him for a partner.
• Breaking a nail at 2:07am. Because now I have to stare at it for the next 7 hours til my nail lady opens up her spot. I should leave a voice mail now saying I want the 9am appt. 
• People who buy those lame kiddie pools when they don't have kids. Sitting your lawn chair in a kiddie pool in the front yard is not doing anything for your image. And there goes the beer and gut to top it all off. Fabulous. I just puked in my mouth. 
• Feeling like a complete and utter moron for .5 seconds. 
• Knowing that .5 seconds felt like a fucking lifetime. 
• Watching a ship sink and not being able to do a damn thing about it. 
• INFOMERCIALS! NO ONE CARES!

FTN and all that jazz

...For The Bible Told Me So...

I woke up in a disarray, turned over and shook him. He rolled over and asked what was wrong. Everything, I thought, everything.

Believe it or not, at one time, I tried to understand the Church and its teachings. But I couldn't grasp it. I couldn't turn off my natural instinct to ask why and the pastor didn't like this. Lack of faith or something like that. I'd stopped listening by this time. But something that had penetrated me was what they said would happen.

In Heaven, none of your earthly bonds will matter. Family, friends, the love of your life...it will be nonexistent, pale in comparison to the love and devotion, the undying loyalty you will have to God. 

WHAT? No one will matter? Not one single person?

Why would they? You will be in the presence of God. No one compares to him. All of your love, your every waking minute will be in awe of him. You will find great joy in praising him. That will be the perfect paradise. 

And I'm going to be happy like that?

Everyone will. He is love. He is happiness.

THATS FUCKED! I looked at my fiancé, the guy I was going to sign my life over to until the end of days...why are we doing this? He looked at me like I'd smacked him, like I was having cold feet. No, no, don't worry. I still want to. I really don't have a problem signing over my life to someone, it's never meant much anyways. HAH, did I actually say that out loud?

But what's the point? When we die, we won't even matter to each other. I'm going to be your homie in heaven. I'm not going to be your wife, your love, your anything. I'm gonna be another face you smile at like some zombie before we all run like fanatics to worship Senor Ego.

He rolled over after patting my knee and said, "I'm always going to love you," before falling back into an oblivious sleep. I don't think he ever woke up. I didn't sleep that night, shaking in a cold sweat, crying and trying to figure out what the hell everything was suppose to mean.

That's a true story.

And I'm still in that night chill, trying to figure out what the hell happens. What's the point? You sign a life that isn't ever really your own over to someone else, all for not. We live by a slew of rules, some self inflicted and some lent to us by the world surrounding. And to add a sweet icing to the cake, it's not going to matter for shit because we're all going to spend eternity worshiping some thing that kills unborn babies and steals innocence and reminds you that you just aren't ever going to be good enough.

You're always going to be less, you're never going to shed the sins placed upon you, even if you didn't commit them BUT don't worry kid. One day, you'll get to be hypnotized by my presence! Aren't you excited?

This from the same god who believes you forsake your own child if they aren't to a books standard. A BOOK. The number one best seller of all time. The greatest fable ever told. If you're beating your bible as you read this, go ahead and pray for me. If it makes you feel better. Whatever helps you to sleep at night.
Oh, and FUCK THAT NOISE! Amen.

Craving The Crazy

If you aren't following The Real Housewives of NYC, we're so not fucking friends. Seriously. All of the horrible events of this week are immediately put on the back burner when these fabulous women get on my television screen. It's a date worth keeping!

Highlights and the lowlives of tonights show:

• Jill shows up on the last day at St. John and acts like the fucking welcoming committee should have been on call for her. Yet again, the narcissistic colors shine bright and she has a little emo moment in her car while Bobby, doesn't he look like Celine Dions husband by the way, tries to act neutral. Cuckoo for coco puffs people!
• Kelly trying to explain what happened in St. John to Luann and Jill and some other hag, who she is, I don't know nor do I care. Kelly says Bethanny admitted to slandering her in the media. Um...what? You psycho! Keep sending points to team Bethanny by showing your insanity. 
• Luann doesn't like the word Hoebag. Well, hoebags who can't sing usually don't like that word. I wonder if she would be more open to cunt scab or cum dumpster? I'll ask.
• Poor Alex was going to cry! Bendita! I wanted to hold her and feed her. But she did earn points by gifting Ramona and Bethanny with cuffs and bed ties. I now have a beautiful respect for her and Simon that I never had before. He sooooo bites the pillow! <3
• Sonia. You've grown on me. That is all. 
• Jill.In.A.Skating.Costume. IN BRYANT PARK! O.M.G!
• And lastly, Ramona...I love her but...crazy eyes or funky ponytail? ew ew ew! Why are rich people so weird?   

Season Finale next week! ITS A FUCKING DATE!

Speak

Two little boys are put into a playpen. One has his mouth wired shut and his hands tied behind his back. The other is pushed to abuse the defenseless child. The only way you are going to get out is if you earn your way out. This entails pummeling the helpless child until you show some signs of maturity. Now get to work. 

The child who is tied up and bound is called bait. Sounds kind of fucked up doesn't it? But it gets better. 

The bait is discarded, probably tossed into a basement somewhere to be used as bait until he is unrecognizable. Then he'll probably join the others before him with a spot in the backyard, in a shallow grave. 

The other child will continue to be put in playpens with other defenseless children until he is so riled up, he'll be hungry for the fight. And thats when the event begins. Neighborhood parents will bring their children over to put their kids into playpen after playpen, while money is thrown down over who will win. 

Its all for sport. No one really gets hurt. These kids want to fight. Its their human instinct. Only the strong survive, right? Natural selection. 

This sounds twisted, distorted, like a bit of insanity. But it happens every day. Innocent animals are put against one another in the name of sport. The weak are used as toys to amp up the blood lust. And yet, its happening more and more and no one seems to be appalled. As if a newborn pit bull weren't as sweet and pure as a newborn child. Whats the difference?

A woman is driving through a school zone and a child jumps out in front of her car. She doesn't slam on the breaks because every one knows that only makes the situation worse...for her. She hits the child dead on and stops about a hundred feet away from the sight. She calls the police. They drag the child to the shoulder of the road and leave it there to rot. The woman is screaming about the damage to her car, while the patrolmen wonder out loud what the hell that kid was doing in this area at a time like this. The nerve. 

Far fetched? Not likely. Every time a deer, a rabbit, a possum, a fox is hit while crossing the highway...aren't we in their neighborhood? You hit a deer on the highway and the body is dragged to the shoulder. Everyone is concerned for the damage done to that superficial display of your status and not one thought  is put to that animal and its loss. 

A man has a moment of anger because another child runs past his own. No contact is actually made and no harm is actually done. But there could have been. So he chases the child down and grabs him by the back of his neck, violently. The kid fights back. The guy loses it and spikes the child to the floor like a football in the end zone. 

Does that remotely make sense? 

A man has a moment of anger because a cat runs past his child. No contact is actually made and no harm is actually done. But there could have been. He chases the cat down and grabs it by the back of its neck. It fights back and claws at him. The guy loses it and spikes the cat to the floor like a football in the end zone. 

Still doesn't make sense, does it?

The regard for animals is something that seems to be irrelevant to people. Having a bad day? Take it out on your dog? Bitchy moment? Feel free to abuse your cat. And I find myself caught somewhere between shocked and irate. These creatures are gifts to this world. Silent embodiments of innocence. Kind of like an infant. These animals, big and small, domesticated and free are the voiceless children in our journey through life. They aren't going to magically grow up and gain a voice. Their only advocate is a loving hand, a proud owner, a lifelong supporter. They are helpless to the hands of the cold, those who are so small they could find relief in inflicting pain on those who cannot fight back. 

FTN! to people who use animals as toys, excuses, punching bags and scapegoats. May your afterlife bring you what you have gifted to others tenfold. Animal abuse/cruelty is only a felony in 31 states. And even in those, not enough people are serving the time they should for the pain they have inflicted. 

If you want to know more about ways to stop animal abuse, animal laws in your community and how to make a difference, visit and spread the word. 

www.animalshelter.org

www.ASPCA.org

www.animallaw.com 

Mad love to all living creatures.

Did You Hear Her?

Did you hear her tears as she wept
Did you see her?
Did you feel the pain in her heart
Did you know her?

This is general and this is specific. This is for every man and for no man at all. This is the rage of a gender and the plea of a woman. This is the voice of a tear and the echo of a child's feet. This is from me to you, from us to them. This is for mothers with sons and fathers with daughters. This is for every woman who wants to feel beautiful and for every man who takes a second glance.

Did you hear her tears as she wept
Did you see her?
Did you feel the pain in her heart
Did you know her?

This is for the Queens of the world. In every shade and every shape. For the scarred and the scared. For the bold and the wise. For the revolutionary and the traditionalist. This is for every giver of life, the ripe tender fruit of your womb continuing the circle, the cycle. For the swell of your breasts as you feed our kin and hide in closed quarters in shame. For the stories of your tongue, the stories of your hips, your eyes, your hands. This is for your battles lost and those you've yet to win. But you will. This is for the eccentric thoughts in your mind, your hopes and dreams.

Did you hear her tears as she wept
Did you see her?
Did you feel the pain in her heart
Did you know her?

This is for our sons, our future Kings. Love her and know her and speak her name with honey on your lips. Tell her what this world could be and shield her from what it really is. Give her a piece of you and nurture every exhale she shares. Use your hands to wipe away the tears versus inflicting them. Kiss away the bruises versus gifting them. Call her name, call her name sweetly so she will come to you with eager anticipation. Remind her, every day until the end of days, that she is your equal. Your matching puzzle piece. Your mirrored image of hope.

Do you believe in God sir? Because if you do...God took a rib from Adam to create Eve...so she would walk beside him. He did not take a bone from his heel for her to be beneath him. Ask your God to clarify.

Did you hear her tears as she wept
Did you see her?
Did you feel the pain in her heart
Did you know her?

This is for our daughters, the soldiers of capturing the voice. Where we have failed, you will triumph and persevere. You will flee from cages of insecurity, you will dance freely and know your body and express your individuality with certainty and conviction. You will not be his slut or his whore or his conquest. You will not be his angel captured on a harpoon, dangling off cliffs edge while he gloats of his barbaric instincts. You will soar. You will taste the stars and make love on clouds and touch sands of far off places and sway in the eclipse of time into sunsets of days yet created.

Did you hear her tears as she wept

Did you see her?

Did you feel the pain in her heart

Did you know her?

This is for that man...you know who you are. Not under one name or one face but one type underneath it all. You have tainted rich soil, conquered and pillaged sacred land. You have created a superiority in your name and claimed sanction in corners of the world, yet you are everywhere. You will tower over the animals of this land and profess false prophecies of a God like stature because of your thumb. You soul-less entity. Because my cat has more compassion then you will ever know and my dog has more remorse then you will ever show. 

Did you hear her tears as she wept

Did you see her?

Did you feel the pain in her heart

Did you know her?

You will hide behind money, power and muscle mass. You will press her body down and take what is not yours. You will crush her bosom and pierce her lips with your own as you inject anguish into her every crevice. You will rape her mind far longer then her body. You will ravish her in dreams and eat away at her until she is skin and bones and bones and skin and skin and skin and scarred and ruined and pained and lost and forgotten. You will shadow her eyes and teach her that this is it, this is life, this is death. No man will love her, hold her, cradle her, forgive away every flaw upon her name. You will stomp out her light, snuff the candle and make a film about it. 

Did you hear her tears as she wept

Did you see her?

Did you feel the pain in her heart

Did you know her?

She is my future, my past. She is me and no one I know. He is every man I have ever met and every man I will avoid. He is what I will teach my son not to be. And in some other realm, I see her and she is free. She is without shackles and without daggers. She owns her essence and is euphoric in splendor of possibility. And there will be one, one to defy all others. One to touch her cheek and melt away those stains. He will whisper and elevate. She will know completion. She will taste the salt of tears seasoned with wonder. 

Did you hear her tears as she wept

Did you see her?

Did you feel the pain in her heart

Did you know her?

Be a light to the woman you know. Be that man. The one I know exists in dreams. For her, I will write him into life. I will teach him in every way. The burning embers of women shattered casts a decaying odor over us. But...he will touch one. Just one. And this moment, this one lost moment will not be in vain. My prince will be a King someday. And she will know ecstasy. Whoever she is...she will know and never have to. 

One on One with Joy

Unbeknownst to people, I have a dire sense of urgency to get on The View. You know, the show with all the ladies yapping about shit around a table. I want to do that, get paid millions to yack up my opinion every day. Why the hell not, right? But if I'm going to get there, I've got to practice my interviewing skills. Yay for lab rats...I mean friends. 

[19:24]  Shasta Chambers puts on her reading glasses
[19:24]  Joytou Timeless: kewl *already has bi focals on*
[19:25]  Shasta Chambers: Okay, so this is the first ever FTN! interview, whih is ground breaking, its like...bigger than having a black president
[19:26]  Joytou Timeless: that is BIG
[19:26]  Shasta Chambers: you like how I spell whih...thats not a fucking word, thanks for fucking it up Joy, god damn it! nOW WE HAVE TO START OVER! Can you do over a ground breaking moment?
[19:26]  Shasta Chambers: where is my water Fiji please!
[19:26]  Shasta Chambers breathes and puts her glasses on...take 2 I just did!
[19:26]  Joytou Timeless: CAP LOK TOO
[19:26]  Shasta Chambers: god damn it
[19:26]  Shasta Chambers: take 3 Again...grrrr
[19:27]  Shasta Chambers: What the fuck is your name?
[19:27]  Joytou Timeless: Joy to you and me
[19:27]  Shasta Chambers: Just get started, this shit doesnt happen to Barbara Walters! Fuckin Barbara
[19:27]  Shasta Chambers: And how long have you been in SL Joy?
[19:28]  Joytou Timeless: going on 3 laggy years which prolly equivilent of 10 dog years or 70 real life years
[19:28]  Shasta Chambers: God damn, thats a long time.
[19:28]  Joytou Timeless brushes off cobb webs She said it, I didn't
[19:29]  Shasta Chambers: What keeps you coming back?
[19:29]  Joytou Timeless: people places music and things
[19:30]  Shasta Chambers: That was a very safe answer. I dig it She's in witness protection, shhhh
[19:30]  Shasta Chambers: How do you feel about jism facial creme? I ask the hard questions!
[19:30]  Joytou Timeless: bukkake facials are just not my taste
[19:31]  Shasta Chambers: I hear it clears up wrinkles. I swear someone told me.......
[19:31]  Shasta Chambers: And the fact that you know the name....hmmmm
[19:31]  Joytou Timeless: well here I can just rip off a old wrinkled one and slap on a new one & yeah you gotta try every pose ball at least once
[19:32]  Shasta Chambers: If you could face squat anyone on your friends list, who would it be? Don't worry, this is a safe place.
[19:33]  Joytou Timeless: I would prolly pick the good looking ones first
[19:33]  Shasta Chambers: Thats a really long name
[19:34]  Joytou Timeless: well no need to double bag it any time soon
[19:34]  Shasta Chambers: LOL I bet Barbara Walters would have gotten the name...maybe even Whoopi! God damn it!
[19:34]  Shasta Chambers: Liquid Soap or Bar?
[19:35]  Joytou Timeless: both at the same time
[19:35]  Shasta Chambers: You know they only offer bar soap in prison. Again...I was only told this.
[19:35]  Joytou Timeless: and drop the soap every chance you get
[19:35]  Shasta Chambers: Smart lady, you know this interview is gonna get you some dates
[19:36]  Shasta Chambers: What do you think pusillanimous means?
[19:36]  Joytou Timeless: I prefer nuts over dates
[19:36]  Shasta Chambers: Im so using that in the future btw
[19:37]  Joytou Timeless: a pulsing animal kiss
[19:37]  Shasta Chambers: Which is uglier, the penis or the vagina?
[19:38]  Joytou Timeless: va jjs are def uglier At least they aren't on the face
[19:38]  Shasta Chambers: Do you support any charities like feed a hoe or saves the twat? You can plug it now
[19:38]  Shasta Chambers: Not the twat...the charity
[19:39]  Joytou Timeless: pimp my ride is one I support
[19:40]  Shasta Chambers: DONATE PEOPLE! I'll be holding a telethon next week
[19:40]  Shasta Chambers: Whats your number one ftn for girls here?
[19:41]  Joytou Timeless: getting all EMO over stoopid shit and a close tie is the talking fetus thang
[19:41]  Shasta Chambers: Damn those babies DELETE DELETE DELETE
[19:41]  Shasta Chambers: Whats your number one ftn for guys here?
[19:43]  Joytou Timeless: thinking say hey - and you say hey back means you wanna have sl sex with them FTN
[19:43]  Shasta Chambers: sounds like youve gone through that a time or two Haven't we all?
[19:44]  Joytou Timeless: yeah or them running round wif a free penis on thinking that is a turn on lol
[19:44]  Shasta Chambers: lol so sexy
[19:44]  Shasta Chambers: How do you feel about those m&m commercials? I think green is a slut personally.
[19:45]  Joytou Timeless: I think blue wants to do the dew
[19:45]  Shasta Chambers: lol
[19:45]  Shasta Chambers: youre gonna be my slogan girl after this
[19:45]  Shasta Chambers: Has anyone ever mmmmed you while fucking?
[19:46]  Joytou Timeless: not here no - they have mmmmmmmmmed me trying to tho
[19:46]  Shasta Chambers falls over and breaks her glasses
[19:46]  Shasta Chambers: Do you think sloshing should be a sport? Go Team USA!
[19:48]  Joytou Timeless: yeah along wif drippage
[19:48]  Shasta Chambers: Olympics here we cum
[19:48]  Shasta Chambers: What word you hate the most?
[19:49]  Joytou Timeless: cunt leakage ...Patent pending...
[19:49]  Shasta Chambers: oooo
[19:49]  Shasta Chambers: You know I'm gonna say that you all the time now, right?
[19:49]  Joytou Timeless: lmao ok go ahead
[19:49]  Shasta Chambers: Hairy ass or bushy dick, hurry, pick one! Like I said, the hard questions. 
[19:50]  Joytou Timeless: bushy dick
[19:50]  Shasta Chambers: I just snorted
[19:50]  Shasta Chambers: like a brillo pad to your face when ya give head
[19:51]  Shasta Chambers: Okay, last question...if a train is leaving from san antonio and another is leaving from pittsburgh, how many finger sammiches can ya fit in the cooter? You dont have to answer that but inquiring minds want to know. I like finga sammiches
[19:51]  Joytou Timeless: hmmmmm thats so funny I jus queefed priceless!
[19:52]  Shasta Chambers: I think an angel somewhere just got its wings
[19:52]  Shasta Chambers: we'll say 4
[19:52]  Shasta Chambers: anything else you want the people to know?
[19:53]  Shasta Chambers: besides your inability to control the fart de puss That's Spanish for the assholes that took French in high school!
[19:53]  Joytou Timeless: yeah  its your fault lol
[19:53]  Shasta Chambers: Thats awesome.
[19:53]  Shasta Chambers: Thank you for participating and not jumping on my couch screaming how you love katie holmes
[19:54]  Joytou Timeless: just the cherry chap stick i.e lipgloss...she's talking about jism. Naughty!
[19:54]  Shasta Chambers: woot!
[19:54]  Shasta Chambers: gonna type this up, ill hit you up when its done
[19:54]  Shasta Chambers takes her glasses off
[19:55]  Joytou Timeless: kk np
[19:55]  Joytou Timeless: lol
[19:55]  Shasta Chambers: Bet Barbara Walters never talked about pussy farts

Dear Diary,
I think I'm one step closer to my dream of The View table. I owe Joy so much. Should definitely send her a gift basket. Maybe with some corks for that vaggy gas.